for mom

I haven’t really been meditating.

Or changing much about my exercise.

Or journaling much at all.

But tonight I came home from work and saw my nose in the mirror.

And it looked a lot like my Mother’s.

 

My nose is something I don’t know;

Can’t describe it; its shape is a mystery to me.

I know how to pose so it looks really cute; but caught off guard, I won’t recognize me.

And I’ve always thought it’s sharklike from some angles.

 

I thought about a nose job. To maybe make it more like Mom’s –

And why? Well… I still can’t see me.

 

And then I watched some stupid shows,

And did some laundry, then Lord knows,

All I wanted was a fucking beer

And time and space; for my mind to be clear.

 

But

Lord knows;

None of that happened.

 

And then I saw my Mother in some far away place;

Romania and photos,

Lecture halls and campus walls.

Puppies in Texas and grout and tiles.

In Boston, pregnant: maybe she wondered how she got there?

I can’t assume.

 

I only know in just 5 years,

I’ll be where she was with me,

And how was she ever so ready?

 

I don’t know if she felt she was at all,

And that’s why I love her most of all,

Because she was; one hundred times and more,

And more, or more.

 

She’s finally sort of a peer;

A Mother is easy to Love and Fear,

And when you grow you see her as she really is:

 

She’s Life, and Love, and all Above

And all Below, and all the things you think you’ll never know.

 

I threw my tantrums and burned my path,

And always I’ll keep coming back,

Because she is the Strongest place,

Softest heart and her family’s face.

With a mind that’s better,

With Patience and a Temper.

 

How could I ever be mad at my Mother?

 

She saw some of the World; was it enough?

She had me; I was tough – I sucked, I’m sure, I’m difficult with some parts broken.

 

But how can, now, I not move on? from pain?

I have a Family, I have Songs – I have Vision now,

And how could I ever be mad at my Mother again?

 

There is no Mad,

There’s just, “That’s fair.”

 

That’s Fair.

And, Always: Love.

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